What I Leave Behind

Here’s the thing.

I spend so much time trying to fulfill this self-enforced mold of a strong, ambitious woman who can overcome anything life throws at her without a blink of an eye, that I often don’t feel comfortable showing any sides of myself that may contradict that.

It all boils down to not feeling comfortable with transparency to the point of vulnerability. There is a sexiness in mystery and a scariness in transparency, but is the comfort I feel in staying a mystery really the type of legacy I want to leave behind?

The idea of leaving behind a glorious legacy is nothing new, but I’ve been giving the idea more thought recently. It struck me as I was driving between my current home and my previous one that nothing I am doing really matters. Seriously—none of it matters. I’m simply going through the motions that have systematically been put in place in order to make myself feel like I’m living a successful life for a twenty-something-year-old. The realization that even though I try to do all that I can to leave my mark! and change the world! yet still prioritize the mundane day-to-day tasks over those ideals, scared me.

I’m changing that. I want to be a person that goes beyond the social norm. Someone that doesn’t hide her mess ups, her struggles or her bad days. There is a lot of beauty and happiness in my life, but there is no honesty in touting successes or happiness without admitting that there were failures and sadness along the way.

So, when I am faced with the question of “What legacy are you leaving behind in the world?” I tell myself that I am leaving behind an honest one, whatever that may be. I will never be the person that perpetuates inaccurate representations of what life can really be like, and even if it gets a little uncomfortable, I’m going to remind myself why I’m doing it.

At the end of the day, I just want to live a life worth living, and to me, that means living as honestly as I can.

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